


when the world stops turning

by dxeancas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Destiel is canon, Episode Fix-It: 15x20 Carry On, Episode: 15x20 Carry On, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Love Confessions, M/M, Post Episode: 15x20 Carry On, Reunion, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxeancas/pseuds/dxeancas
Summary: Dean didn’t know where he was going. He let the road pull him forwards, the road that lead to Cas.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	when the world stops turning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic y’all so bear with me, but i had to write down my version of the finale that’s been living rent free in my head the last few months.

As Dean stood on that bridge catching up with Sammy, all he could think about was Cas.

And if he was being completely honest, he never stopped thinking about the angel, not since what happened in the bunker.

Dean was happy to be catching up with Sam. To him it felt like they had just parted ways, but Sam had lived a whole life in the time Dean had driven to the bridge, and Dean was so proud. Sam may have looked the same appearance wise, but Dean could see the age in his eyes. He spent his whole life looking after Sam, and seeing him like this, fulfilled, complete, made Dean feel as though he had succeeded in the job his dad had put on his shoulders all those years ago. 

But as much as Dean wanted to hear every missed detail of Sam’s life, he could still only think of one thing.

Cas.

Bobby had told Dean that Cas helped Jack construct the new heaven, so Dean assumed Cas was here somewhere. Unless Jack kicked him back into the empty afterwards, but the kid wouldn’t do that, right? 

Dean wondered as to why Cas hadn’t come to see him yet, as he’s apparently already been dead for years, though it felt like mere hours. Maybe Cas just wanted to give Dean a chance to see Sam first. Or maybe he just didn’t want to see Dean at all. Which Dean wouldn’t blame him for, as he probably thinks that Dean doesn’t feel the same way about him based on Dean’s lack of response to Cas’ confession.

Ever since that moment when Cas had said those words, Dean’s mind had been reeling. It’s as if as soon as he said it, the world had stopped turning. He’s been living in those few minutes ever since, trying to process what exactly happened. 

He has always loved Cas. He was family, but it wasn’t until this time that Dean had realized to what extent he loved Cas.

Dean never was an emotions kind of guy. Especially not an “I love you” kind of guy. He felt as though didn’t deserve love. Especially not Cas’ love. Everyone he loved either died, or left, end of story. And it was always because of Dean. So he just didn’t let himself go there. He stuffed the feelings he had for Cas down so deeply, that Dean himself didn’t even know they were there. 

When Cas said the three words, it was if Dean was waking up from a very long sleep. The feelings Dean had ignored for so long came rushing up like nothing he’s ever felt before.

“I love you”.

Dean never would’ve thought Cas felt that way about him. Obviously he knew Cas cared for him, the angel practically lived to helped Dean and his brother, yet he had no clue about how Cas loved him. If anything, Dean thought he was a burden to Cas. Someone he had to continuously pick up after, but apparently not. Cas saw through Dean’s defense mechanisms, his walls, and saw the good in Dean. The good Dean thought had diminished within him. 

It kind of surprised him that Cas could even feel that way. He knew for a fact that angels didn’t feel the same way as humans did, but according to Cas, Dean changed that. A part of Dean still felt bad for it. Cas fell because of him, in more than one way, and Dean couldn’t help but feel that maybe he would’ve been better off without Dean. Cas went through so much pain, so much suffering, even died a few times, and it was always for Dean.

The realization of this came pouring down on Dean like a shock to his system, and he didn’t have anytime to process what it meant. Cas was saying so much. He was saying the world in the same moment that the world was crumbling around them. 

Dean barely had time to process the fact that Cas loved him, and Dean loved Cas back, before he was forced to process the fact that Dean was losing his angel. For good. It was like the first breath of air taken when walking outside on a sunny day, feeling a sense of peace, a sense of hope, until you wander out into the street, and bam, there’s a car that slams right into you, full force. No more peace, no more hope, just pain, darkness and despair. 

The empty took Cas, and Dean was left alone, back against the cold stone wall of the bunker, feeling as if the ground had been pulled out from underneath him. The moment played over and over again in his head, he couldn’t see past it. All he knew was that the angel he loved so much, left him, and Dean was alone. 

Sam called at some points amidst Deans cries but he couldn’t answer. The rest of the world didn’t matter, because Dean’s world had already ended. The moment the black goo had engulfed Cas, taking him forever, was when the world stopped turning.

Yet eventually, Dean had to pick himself up, and push those feeling back down, just as he always has, because although his world stopped, the rest of the world was still needing saving. Which was cruel, Dean thought to himself, the fact that everything keeps going, the fact that no one knows the pain, the loss, the aching love that Dean was experiencing.

So he went and did his job. He defeated chuck, and now Jack was the man in charge. Dean felt bad for the kid, he didn’t need this burden on his shoulders. Dean knew in a way how something like that felt. But he’d rather it be Jack than anyone else. The kid was good. He was family. And although Dean didn’t know what his new job consisted off, he made a promise to himself that he’d give jack the life, the experiences he deserved. Even better, Dean knew Jack could bring Cas back. He brought the rest of the world back, along with Deans hope, but no. Jack checked out before Dean even had the chance to ask. Another person he loved leaving him. 

So him and Sam went off and tried to adjust to this new sense of freedom. Yet it was lonely. This wasn’t the rest Dean wanted. The rest he deserved. Sam on the other hand had everything he ever wanted. But not Dean. Dean wanted Cas. He didn’t think he’d be able to rest, to find peace with all the loss. 

Dean didn’t have to live in that half life for long though. He died. In a stupid way he will admit, it was embarrassing as hell to be taken out by a piece of rebar. Dean was sorry for leaving Sam. He knew that he’d be able to move on though, and live a full life without him. Sam never needed Dean the way he needed Sam. 

When Dean got to heaven he already started feeling a bit better, even with the hole that was eating at his insides. Maybe here he’d be able to contact Jack somehow, and ask him to bring Cas back. Jack said he’d be hands off, but Cas was basically like the kids dad, so Dean was sure Jack would be okay with it. 

Then Bobby said Cas had helped. Meaning Cas was okay. Jack pulled through after all, and Dean was flooded with happiness. 

Now, they were both in heaven. They had all of eternity to say whatever they wanted to say. To finally take that sigh of relief. To finally be who they always wanted to be. To love. All Dean had to do was to find Cas and tell him that. Which the idea of made Dean want to run the opposite way. He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to open up, and went most of his life avoiding it, but now he didn’t have a choice. Dean wanted to be happy. He wanted Cas to have what he truly wanted or whatever. 

So Dean got back in the impala, Sam in the passenger seat, like old times, and he drove back to Bobby’s. 

There were so many people, family and friends, who Dean wanted to see. To catch up with, apologize to, but he couldn’t. Not yet. 

It was quiet as they drove. Dean lost in thought staring out into the open road ahead of him, Sam glancing at Dean every few seconds, a slight look of concern on his face. Dean never told Sam what exactly happened in the bunker that night, in the weeks following. Sam was curious, and Dean was pretty sure he knew he wasn’t telling the whole story, but Sam didn’t press on. Which Dean was thankful for, cause he did not feel like going back to that night, and he certainly didn’t feel like talking about it. 

Dean considered telling Sam now, but he decided to wait. He needed to open up to Cas first. 

Dean dropped Sam off in front of Bobby’s, after what felt like a much shorter drive than the way to the bridge, and he told Sam there was something he needed to do. 

Sam, again, didn’t press on. It almost looked like Sam knew in a way what it was that Dean was going to do, but there was no way. How could he know, Dean didn’t even know he loved Cas himself for the longest time. 

Dean had no idea where Cas was so he sat in the front seat of his impala, and prayed. He didn’t say much, cause he wanted to save the majority of what he wanted to say for when they were together. For when Dean would be able to stare into the Cas’ bright blue eyes, eyes that always seemed so stunning to Dean, and speak his truth. Dean prayed to Cas and told him that he was here, that he wanted, needed to see him, needed to talk to him. He didn’t expect anything to happen right away so he started driving again, assuming Cas would be able to know where Dean was.

Dean didn’t know where he was going. He let the road pull him forwards, the road that lead to Cas.

The wind whipped through the impalas open window, the hum of music filling the car. It was zeppelin obviously. Baby was his one constant through all his years on earth. Whenever he had no where to go, baby was there. She was home. Dean smiled to himself and kept driving, turning wherever his gut seemed fit, until he finally reached his destination.

He pulled off the road and got out of the car, swinging the door shut behind him, standing in front of the barn. The barn where he first met Cas. 

The barn looked the same as it did that night, yet the air was the complete opposite. What once was fear, anticipation, a journey into the unknown, was now love, a different kind of anticipation, and a coming home.

The day he met Cas, Dean was scared. He had just been pulled out of hell, broken from what he had to endure down there, confused as to why he was back. He didn’t know what made him deserving of a second chance. Then Cas walked through those doors and everything changed. Well not at first of course. First Dean stabbed him in the chest. But then it was realized that Cas was an ally. Then a friend. Then family. Now he’s so much more than that. He’s Deans world. 

And Dean loves him.

Dean didn’t know how a love with Cas would go. A love with an angel. A love with a guy. Dean never was into guys. Or so he thought. He’d have a small crush on a guy from time to time but he never did anything with a guy. Cas was different though. He didn’t care whether Cas was in a male or female vessel, he just knew that he loved him in a way he’s only felt in slivers with Cassie and Lisa. This was more than that though. 

Dean walked through the doors and into the middle of the barn. It looked the same in the inside too, the warding and everything, but it was empty. It was always empty. No Cas.

Dean was starting to worry that Cas wasn’t going to come, or didn’t hear his prayer at least. Or he was right about Cas thinking Dean didn’t reciprocate his feelings, because he wasn’t able to say it in the moment. 

Then he heard the voice of the angel he’d been wanting so badly to hear again, since the last goodbye was said that night.

“Hello Dean.”

The familiarity of it all came rushing over Dean, filling his cold, lonely heart, making it jump into overdrive. He turned around locking eyes with Cas, green finally meeting blue. 

It was Cas. He was actually there standing in front of Dean, trench coat, crooked tie, windswept hair, head tilt and all. It was overwhelming, the feeling that came with seeing him again. For a second Dean just stared wide eyed, thinking about the last time he saw Cas, was when he was being pulled away into nothingness. 

“Dean, are you—“

Before Cas got the chance to finish, Dean stepped forward closing the space between the them, wrapping Cas in his arms. He felt Cas hug him back chin digging into his shoulder, breathing a sign of relief. After a few seconds of just being with each other again, holding on to each other as tight as they could, Dean pulled away, hands still on Cas’ shoulders.

“Is it really you man?” Dean asked still uncertain that this was actually happening. That this was something he could have.

“Yes I—“

“Good cause there’s some thing i got say,” Dean shakily cut him off. This was the moment Dean had been picturing in his head since he first got to heaven and he couldn’t mess it up. He had to tell Cas he loved him back.

“Dean we don’t have to talk about it.” Cas took a step back, looking down, causing Dean to release the grip he had on his arms. “I made my choice knowing fully what—“

“Dude you gotta let me talk,” Dean interrupted, a slight urgency to his voice. He bowed his head down catching the angels eye. “What you said in the bunker, before the empty took you, did you mean it?”

Dean was pretty sure he knew what Cas’ answer was going to be, yet there was still a faint voice inside him saying otherwise. It was hard for Dean to accept the new life that was just feet away from him. 

“Of course Dean.” Cas started a slight squint forming in his eyes. “Every word, but you don’t need to say anything back, I accepted a long time ago that—“

“Cas, I told you it was my turn.” Dean said, his voice unintentionally rising, but instead of just saying what he felt like he originally planned, Dean did something he definitely didn’t think he’d have the guts to do.

Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas, hands getting lost in his trench coat, lips locking together like pieces of a puzzle. For a second Cas froze, his body gone rigid, then he was kissing Dean back. For minute they stayed there, getting lost in one another. Deans world had stopped yet again, except this time it’s because he was finally right where he wanted to be and him and Cas had all the time in they wanted. They had eternity.

Finally Dean pulled back, staring into Cas’ eyes. The angel looked back at him with a look on his face that was quite unfamiliar to Dean. It was happiness. 

“Dean I—“ Cas stammers, seemingly at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry Cas.” Dean said, finally ready to say, what he’d waited years to confess. 

“What could you possibly be sorry for?” Cas replied with a tilt of his head, hands on Dean’s shoulders.

“I should’ve done that a long time ago.” Dean breathed. 

“I love you too you idiot, and i’m sorry I didn’t say it before.” 

A long breath of relief, of freedom came out of Deans mouth as he released what he’d been holding in for so long. Cas’ eyes grew wide and his lips parted like he wanted to say something back but instead he pulled Dean close again, burying his face into Deans shoulder. Dean held on, trying hard not to get emotional in the heat of it all, until Cas leaned back so his face was right in front of Dean’s, noses touching. 

“I get it Dean.” Cas chuckled a smile growing on his face. “You aren’t exactly the best at talking feelings.”

“Yeah well you’re guilty too man,” Dean laughs back. “You’ve loved me for years and said nothing. Maybe if you— no, maybe if we both communicated for once, we’d—“

“It doesn’t matter.” Cas cuts Dean off putting his hands on either side of his face. “All those years, they were worth it, because were here now Dean, and we have eternity to be together, which is something I never thought I’d be able to have.”

“You and me both.” Dean replied his smile growing with each blissful moment. He kisses Cas again more gentle this time. “Let’s go home.” Dean breaths pulling his mouth away from Cas. 

He intertwined his angel’s hand with his own, and together they walked out out of the barn into the hopeful light of tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!! I hope it was okay. Writing tips would be greatly appreciated, cause I don’t know what I’m doing<3


End file.
